Thinking About Finding Your Birth Parents? Let Golden Cradle® Help You.
Finding birth parents is a process that many Golden Cradle adoptees will undertake sometime during their lives. The reasons are varied. Adult adoptees may:
- want to understand their background
- be curious about their adoption story
- want to share the story and history of their biological parents with their children
- may want - or need - to know their medical history - especially those with a hereditary disease or condition.
Or, they may want to go through the process of finding birth parents simply to establish a relationship with their birth family.
How Golden Cradle® Helps the Process of Finding Birth Parents
We understand that finding birth parents and reuniting with them can raise many issues for the biological parents, adoptive parents, and the adoptees. We make it our goal to help in any way possible to bring biological birth parents and adoptees together within the limits of what the parties desire. We have a dedicated staff member to assist adoptees and biological parents who want to be reunited.
If you want more information about how Golden Cradle® could help you towards finding your birth parents, feel free to contact us.
An Adult Adoptee's Story of Finding her Birth Mother
Every story of finding birth parents is unique. We could not convey the emotions, the process, and the potential outcome that finding birth parents could lead to any better than this story does:
Growing up, I always knew that I was adopted but never really had the urge to find out about my biological mother. About once a year, my Mom would ask if I had any questions about my biological mother, or if I was interested in finding out more about her. I would always roll my eyes and respond with a smart comment. The answer time after time would be NO and I would wait until the next year when she would ask the questions again.
It wasn’t until I was 18 that my Mom asked me these same questions and I responded with a yes. After my mom got over the shock of my answer she proceeded to tell me the little bit of information that she knew which she kept tucked away inside of her for when this moment would arise. She knew that my biological mother’s name was Margaret and she was from the Philadelphia area. She also knew that Margaret was about my mom’s age and that she already had two children when I was born. This meant that I had two older siblings. My mother knew that Margaret had a somewhat rough life and that when I was born the best thing for my welfare was to give me up for adoption.
At this point in time, my mother made a phone call to Golden Cradle® and expressed my interest in trying to find my biological mother. The process was slow and I was certainly in no rush. I often times wondered why I ever said that I wanted to find her in the first place. Many thoughts went through my head at this point. Why would I want to meet someone who didn’t even want me? What if she doesn’t want to meet me? What is she like? About a year into the process, my mom got a phone call out of the blue from Golden Cradle® informing her that they had found Margaret and asked if we would like for them to send a letter to Margaret letting her know I was interested in making contact with her. I agreed to let them do this and a letter was sent out on a Wednesday. Thursday morning, Margaret called Golden Cradle® to say that she would love for me to write to her.
Now what? What do you write after 20 years? I finally was able to put some thoughts down on paper. I told her about my interests and hobbies. I thanked her for giving me the opportunity to be with my family. God certainly did bless me when he placed me into their home. About two weeks after sending it, I got a letter back with pictures. I did not think this would affect me emotionally but it really did. She told me that not a day had ever gone by when she did not think of me. She told me that I had two older brothers and that I was an aunt. She explained that times were rough when I was born and that she was unable to properly take care of me. She did not go into details but she explained that someday she would tell me. In addition, in the pictures that she sent, she included my 1st baby picture from in the hospital which my Mom and Dad never got to have.
And if this wasn’t enough of an emotional roller coaster, a couple weeks later I got an e-mail which was titled “from your brother Luke”. I thought it was junk mail, but decided to open it anyway. This e-mail ended up being a letter from my oldest brother. He explained that he did not even know about me until that point in time. He explained how angry he was at his mother for giving me up for adoption and how interested he was in getting to know me better. Luke and I continued to stay in touch through e-mail.
After many months of letters and e-mails, I was planning to be up in the Philadelphia area. Although I was not in a hurry to meet them, I decided that if I wanted to meet them this was the best time to do so. We spoke briefly on the phone and planned to meet for lunch. I had not given it much thought until we were parking the car (and) getting ready to walk in. There were a million thoughts running through my head. We walked in and there they all were, Margaret, my birth mother, Luke, my oldest brother, Jennifer, my niece and some others. This gave us the opportunity to meet face to face and get to know one another. It was a great day for me and I would assume it was a great day for Margaret.
Please know that this is a huge, life changing step. I was very lucky in that my birth mother was open to meeting me. It was actually a secret until now. No one knew about me which meant that she had to tell her sons and luckily they are doing okay with the information. Often times, children aren’t so lucky. There is a chance that your biological parents may not be as open to a relationship as Margaret was. I did not do this to fill a void in my life, I am blessed with wonderful parents who I would never ever want to replace. God took me from a very unstable life which I would have had with Margaret, to a wonderful life with my family.
I did this out of curiosity. I had no expectations of developing a lifelong relationship with Margaret or my brothers. I just wanted to see who I looked like (and who I could blame for me being short) and what her personality was like. Although I did not feel a true connection with Margaret, I feel that I did make a connection with my oldest brother Luke. He and I talk on the phone regularly and we are getting to know one another better. As I am now getting ready for my upcoming wedding in October, it means a lot to me that this piece of the puzzle is now complete and I look forward to them being part of my special day.
Questions about finding your birth parents?
We have found this US Department of Health and Human Service's Finding Birth Parents article to be quite useful towards answering questions about the steps and considerations involved in the search for biological parents. And, as always, feel free to contact us for your questions about finding birth parents - or any other adoption questions you might have.